English is a terrible language.
There is no egg in the eggplant no ham in the
hamburger and neither pine nor apple in the
pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England,
French fries were not invented in France.
We sometimes take English for granted. But if we
examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly, boxing rings are
square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor
is it a pig.
If writers write, how come fingers don’t fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth, shouldn’t the
plural of phone booth be phone beeth?
If the teacher taught, why didn’t the preacher
praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what the heck does
a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play, yet play at a
recital?
Park on driveways and drive on parkways?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a
language where a house can burn up as it burns
down and in which you fill in a form by filling it
out. And a bell is only heard once it goes!
English was invented by people, not computers, and
it reflects the creativity of the human race (which of course isn’t a race at all). That is why when the stars are out they are visible, but when the lights are out they are
invisible.
Why is the man who invests all your money called a
broker?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a
pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a
racist?
Why are wise men and wise guys opposites? Why isn’t 11 pronounced onety one? Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 If you take an Oriental person and spin him around
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific
mean to make terrible?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked,
doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models
deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners
depressed?
billion stars in the universe you will believe them,
but if they tell you a wall has wet paint
you will have to touch it to be sure?
several times, does the become disoriented?
aren’t people from Holland called "Holes?
And why it is that when I wind up my watch it
starts but when I wind up this story ends?
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